Just some ramblings!

I’m still working on my post re: the Hereditary Breast Clinic visit, but I can’t post it just yet.  I want to make sure that everything I write is accurate, because what I learned on Tuesday could make such a difference in the lives of others if they are educated on this!

I’d also like to find a paper that I wrote in a college genetics class on why I did NOT want to be tested for BRCA1/BRCA2 gene mutations.  I think it would be fun(ny) to revisit those opinions now. 😉  So it might be Monday before that post is up.

****************

Every day since I got the phone call with the pathology report has been so busy and my phone has not stopped ringing.  Today I called and “ordered” call waiting…should be working by tomorrow night! Brandon and I are a little behind the times with technology…no call waiting or caller ID and we can’t even text on our cell phones…much less surf the net…but that changed today.  Not the texting part, but the online part…

UPS delivered this to me today:

Some very special friends got together and very generously ordered this so I can keep in touch better!  It is inscribed :

HOPE FAITH LOVE STRENGTH CURE | WE LOVE YOU CANDACE  ((BBB))

You Blossom mamas are the best, and you have already blessed me in more ways than one!!  I really don’t know how to use it, but hope to learn quickly!  What a kind and thoughtful gift.  They tell me it has Skype on it, where I can video conference with the kids, but we’ll wait for another day to figure that one out!

Brandon and I have been astounded at the outpouring of love, care and concern we have received from ALL of our friends and family.  We can definitely feel the prayers…keep ’em coming!

*************

So anyway, between those phone calls, doctors’ visits, trying to get my house in order for when I’ll be out of commission, scheduling MORE appoints, trying to keep keep my family and caregivers in the loop, and of course trying to take the time to cuddle the kids a little extra, I have felt a little worn out emotionally — have not had a lot of time or energy to devote to updating the blog, but tomorrow will be a big day for me.

I got a phone call today from the nurse practitioner of my oncologist.  Turns out that she wants to see me tomorrow, so I will have a consult with her after my other appointments in the morning.  Just to make sure we are all on the same page and have a game plan for when all of my results are finally back!

I also had a phone call from the vascular clinic.  They will be installing my portacath tomorrow morning.  I will receive my chemo through this port and it will also provide a way for the nurses to draw blood without actually sticking me with the needle every time.

This is a good procedure which will help with the treatment in the long run, but I was surprised to hear that in the short term, I won’t be able to pick up the kids for about 10 days.  That will be hard.

The idea of the procedure itself is also a little bit emotional for me.  Everything that has happened up until this point could have happened to a person with a benign or a malignant tumor, but when I climb onto that table tomorrow morning, I don’t think I can kid myself any longer.  I have cancer in my body.  I need a port for my chemotherapy.  A person who does not have cancer does not need a port.  In talking to the nurse today, chemo will start in about 10 days (give or take a few…haven’t exactly panned out the schedule yet).  Then it will be just a matter of time before I could see all the nasty side effects that accompany.  I’m praying that I won’t be as sick as some people are, but if I am, I know that God will sustain me.

It is almost 1am and I am just having the time to finish this post for today, so I am guessing most of you will be reading it sometime between 8am-noon tomorrow (Friday). During this time I will be having my port placed and then will be in recovery…as I mentioned before…as a general rule, I don’t do well with “procedures” in the hospital.

Would you take a minute to pray for me?

  • Pray that I will not let a spirit of fear overcome me.
  • Pray that I cast my cares upon the Lord, for He cares for me.
  • Pray for the doctors and the procedure itself, that the port placement will be excellent and comfortable.
  • Pray for my mom and Brandon as they accompany me to this procedure and serve as my ears and my voice at my following appointments
  • Pray for my children — I know they are in great hands with my family members and will even have some extra playmates tomorrow, but I still don’t like being away from them!

6:00 am is gonna come early in the morning…I better sleep!

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About Candace

Stay at home mom of three small kids (3, 2, and almost 1) -- about to embark on the biggest journey of my life.
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15 Responses to Just some ramblings!

  1. Kathleen says:

    You are so brave, Candace. I will be praying for you although you may be out of surgery already. I will pray for a speedy recovery too. Thank you so much for this blog. It is amazing how uplifted you remain through this. You are an insparation.

  2. Denise Ingram says:

    Candace I know you will do great this morning. You have Brandon and your mom there and when they let go of your hand I know who will be wraping His arms around you and watching over every minute detail, the Dr.s and nurses have to do, making sure everything goes perfectly for you. I am glad your babies are big enough to crawl up in your lap and you won’t have to pick them up. You can still hold them and love them at least. I pray the Oncologist can find the right combo in meds for you so you won’t be so sick. They have come a long way and even though it won’t be perfect they can help you allot if you comunicate with them about how you feel. Love you and praying extra hard this morning! <3. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo's

  3. Brandi says:

    Prayers said and continuing and a big hug

  4. thinking and praying about you this morning candace!!!!! ((((HUGS GIRL)))))
    your bbb’ers are all with you!!!!!!

  5. sweetfarmers says:

    Love you sissy! Praying, praying, praying!

  6. coolmama72 says:

    Candace, you’re in my thoughts and prayers. Your blog is amazing … I’m always blown away by the strength found in those when something like this happens. You never know you have it in you until you face a challenge like this yourself. You’re an inspiration to your kids, and to many other people, sharing your story here, with your good news and the bad.

    I know that it will be really hard not to pick up the kids for 10 days. (I had surgery when my youngest was a little more than a year old, and three other kids who all wanted mama to hold them in one way or another). Let them crawl on your lap while you’re sitting on the sofa, and remind them you will be able to pick them up again soon. ((HUGS))

  7. Sadie says:

    PRAYING! I just found your blog and I will be following your blog from now on. You are strong and brave, God will provide!

  8. Amanda says:

    Praying extra hard for you today Candace! I pray everything goes smoothly. Here if you need anything. Love ya!

  9. Wendy Cole says:

    We have been praying for you and will continue to do so. I also had my mom to put your name on the prayer list at her church……Much love to you!!

  10. Thinking of you this morning sweetie!

  11. Big hugs lady…thinking of you today!!!!!!!!

  12. Lynz says:

    Thinking of you Candace. I hope today has went as well as it could have xxx

  13. Marcie says:

    I’m continuing to pray for you!! Hope the procedure went well today. Lots of hugs….

  14. Beth says:

    Gwen shared your blog via Facebook with some of us from the scrapbooking board at pgo (I’ll admit I don’t go very often anymore). I’ll be sure to bookmark your blog and follow your story so that I can be praying in specific ways for you and your family! You have our prayers and support! (((HUGS)))

  15. Cyndi says:

    Sending prayers. And what a beautiful gift from your friends as a gift to the rest of us to be able to stay in contact with you.

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