“Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say/It is well, it is well, with my soul” — Horatio Spafford
Time is flying by…already been over 2 weeks since my first suspicious mammogram. I posted last night about Cadence, but I’m not sure how…I don’t remember a whole lot about yesterday, and next to nothing about Friday! I actually left out a big chunk of the story that was the whole inspiration of my writing a post about Cadence in the first place, but I’ll share it another time.
Actually, almost none of my posts have turned out exactly as I envision them in my head, so like with everything else in my life right now, I’m just going with the flow…
It is Well is in my head tonight, and has been in my head over the past few days. I got to choose a cd to listen to during my PET/CT scans last Tuesday…I chose America’s Top 25 Hymns and it was on that cd – then a friend reminded me of a very trying time 6 years ago when I sang the song…all I have to say is that God gave me the strength to stand up and sing on that day, because I couldn’t have done it on my own.
At any rate, I have really and truly had a peace about this diagnosis from the beginning….I just have a feeling that it is well. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t worried or been scared (I have!), or that I haven’t cried and thought it was a little unfair that I have to go through this with my three small kids (I have!)…but as I climbed up onto the MRI table, I thought to myself, how much better equipped I am to deal with this than a 65…75…85 year old woman!? I am young and strong and I can do this!!!
Nevermind that an hour or so earlier I had been having a little pity party while I was encapsulated in the PET scan machine…as anxiety started to overcome me I heard these words through those weird speakers: “Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come/Let this blest assurance control/That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed His own blood, for my soul.”
Christ has regarded my helpless estate – He knows just what I need – EVERY NEED SUPPLIED.
Do you know what buffet means here? From Webster –
buf·fet/bəˈfā/ — Verb: (esp. of wind or waves) Strike repeatedly and violently; batter
So these lyric in other words – Though Satan should strike repeatedly and violently and batter me (both physically and spiritually)/Trust in God/He has already saved me with His redeeming blood.
Tomorrow I am scheduled first thing for a mammogram and ultrasound on my left breast. I haven’t had those tests done on my left side yet and I’m praying that they don’t show anything abnormal. The MRI showed something on my left side that may require a biopsy, but I am praying that it won’t be necessary (could be a normal abnormality, go figure!).
Regardless of the left side biopsy, I will be having a right breast biopsy on the abnormal lymph nodes and additional tumor growth that was noted on the MRI. Please pray for the radiographers as they read these films and ultrasounds tomorrow, and also for the doctors performing the biopsy(s). Continue to pray that I not be overcome with anxiety. I feel like I know a little better what to expect this time, so that should help!
Additionally, we have tentatively scheduled my first chemotherapy treatment for this Friday, August 12…seems so fast. It is a little scary. I haven’t had time to do everything I wanted to before I start my treatments, but it is well…
As I continue through this journey, my biggest fear (aside from worrying about my children), is that I will fall into a pit of despair. That Satan with strike repeatedly and violently and wear me down. I rebuke Satan in the name of Jesus and pray that you will do the same for me daily. I need my strength to fight this battle! I have asked several of you on an individual basis to pray this for me, but tonight I am asking all of you. And I’ll probably ask you again approximately every other post!
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of His might. 11 Put on the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.
“14 Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the evil one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”
Ephesians 6: 10-17