Odds and Ends

I anticipated a lot of blog time this week and it just hasn’t happened.

I also anticipated being able to watch the kids completely by myself this week….it hasn’t really happened either.  Today is Wednesday.  I was fine all day Monday.  But by late Tuesday afternoon I was worn down.  This afternoon I was also really worn out after my morning appointment at Duke with my mom, sister and aunt.  Thank goodness for mine and my husband’s very strong family support system.

Here is a little collage of Cadence before and at gymnastics.  I think she did great!  I was happy that I could take her and see her.

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Last night Brandon took me out on a date.  I didn’t really want to go because I’d had a tough day and I am always torn about leaving the kids these days when I don’t have to be away from them.

We had dinner and he took me to get an ice cream cone.  And he let me go shop for a bit, which is always a nice treat without the kids.

My hair looks kind of crazy here.  I didn’t want to brush it, because…guess what…it was all falling out!

It was far more of a shock that I thought it would be.  Kind of like walking down the hospital hallway as a cancer patient for the first time.  Just really a hit that took me by surprise. Even though I knew it was coming and thought I didn’t care.

To those that know me well, I care about my lipstick and mascara…but hair?  Not so much!  Give me a ponytail and I’m good to go!  And lately, I’ve looked like a skunk with the big white streaks appearing at the front of my head.   I should be happy to see it go…right?

Plus I’d seen my mom bald.  I’d seen Frannie lose her hair.  I thought I was prepared.

But man, when Wade started pulling out handfuls of hair at a time, I almost lost it.

So after our date, here’s what we did…cut off my ponytail!! Look how thin my hair is around my hairline!

And are you ready for this?

Are you?

Here’s what we did next:

I don’t think I’m ready to post what we did after this.  Actually, right after this, we buzzed it again with no guard (I think that is a one guard cut above!).  But the next think involved a razor and shaving cream and the removal of that cute little stubble. 🙂  If I can ever get my videos to upload I’ll share a short clip, but yeah, I’m a regular ole baldy now!

I have a huge scar on the back of my head from an old wakeboarding accident…hmm, probably should have had stitches in that!  I also had three huge cowlicks in my hair.  Maybe they won’t grow back like that!

Anyway, you know what … IT FEELS GREAT!  Really and truly, I wish I had done it as soon as the first strands started falling out.  For one thing, my scalp literally hurt yesterday.  I guess it was all those follicles releasing, but it was VERY tender.  More importantly, it really was  depressing to watch it fall out all around me and I didn’t need it bringing my spirits down.  Not to mention, I won’t have to worry about clogging the drain with it now! 😉

In His great mercy, God has yet again provided me with a peace that passeth all understanding.  Yesterday I couldn’t even think about my hair without crying, but I kid you not, as soon as the ponytail was gone, I really did have a great peace about it.  I know it is just a process, but I’m thankful that God makes it easy.

And don’t I have the best husband in the world for doing that for me? ❤ (That’s a heart, Brandon ;)!)

As for the kids, Wade didn’t seem to notice.  Ella wanted to hug me and rub my hair.  She doesn’t really talk yet, so she didn’t have anything to say.  Cadence though, she was a sweetheart.  After her initial reaction she sat back and looked at me and said, “Why don’t you have any hair, mommy?”  We had our standard conversation about mommy being sick.  She said, “Will you get new hair mommy?”  I assured her I would.  I told her maybe it would look like hers or look like Ella’s (she smiled)…or MAYBE, I said, it would look like Papa’s hair…she got very serious again and said, “Mommy, get your hair again.”

And while Ella is rubbing my head like a genie’s lamp, Cadence has been kind of hesitant about touching it.  Tonight though, when I was singing to her she sat in my lap.  It was dark, and out of the blue she just started rubbing it as I sang.  Maybe she just needed to work up  her courage?

Anyway, Susan W. – Don’t you worry about that hair either…it will be back!  I am happy to say it is the least of my worries now!

I surprised myself when we went to the hospital today.  No wig for me…just a baseball cap! Granted, I was going to the oncology clinic, so I knew I wouldn’t be alone in my baldness…but still!   It felt good.

I told Brandon that from this point forward I’m sure it will make everybody else more uncomfortable to see me bald than I am uncomfortable BEING bald.  But I promise, IT IS WELL…!

Luke 27-29:

27“Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 28“But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you?…”

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About Candace

Stay at home mom of three small kids (3, 2, and almost 1) -- about to embark on the biggest journey of my life.
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22 Responses to Odds and Ends

  1. I’m so happy to hear that you’ve found peace with this. I know it’s a pivotal point for people during cancer treatment and you’ve come through it with all the grace and beauty we are used to from you. Love you hun, thinking of you always!

  2. Ruth says:

    I know it’s NOT the same thing, but I remember when I was 4 or 5, my dad shaved off his mustache and it took me a little while to get used to it. But then I forgot what he looked like with the mustache and his ‘bald’ face was normal to me. I bet it will be similar for Cadence. 🙂

  3. Lynn Lawing says:

    When I see pictures of you Candace I don’t even notice your hair! I see your beautiful eyes and sparkling smile (and your lipstick-I am also a lipstick lady). I see a STRONG and devoted Christian woman, a patient loving mother AND I see the LOVE you have for Brandon. Reading your blog has touched me in many ways and I will continue to lift you and your family in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your most personal thoughts and your journey. Have a blessed day!

  4. Julie says:

    I am so happy you’ve found peace about your hair, and that the kids were okay with it. You are beautiful, with hair or without, a beautiful spirit isn’t held on the top of your head! Big hugs, I know that was a difficult leap to make, you continue to amaze me!

  5. You look very pretty! Hair does not make a person. It will grow again. Thanks for sharing.

  6. you are beautiful, with our without hair. With that smile, you barely even see your hair. I’m so glad you found peace, you continue to amaze me with your strength.

  7. Laurie says:

    Candace, it’s ok to shed tears at this stage (remember he is collecting them to put in your special tear bottle), This blesses God as you are being real before him. He is healing your heart in the course of abnormality which will turn to normal quickly; because that’s how God works. He loves you so much and so do we. Truly we can see the spirit of Jesus in yours eyes and in your smile and it makes us warm inside; that’s the love of Jesus covering you. God & you make a great team. Have you in my prayers. Blessings and love to you always.

  8. petra cole says:

    Candace first of all *hugs**…I remember those days with Scott and I remember the relief he also felt to just buzz it off. I am praying for you! Stay strong! I love you!

  9. I think you look wonderful! I’m sure this will be a minor memory for the kids because your radiance and love still shines so bright! Cudos Brandon for making her go on a date and you guys have some great alone time!

  10. Denise Ingram says:

    You are amazing Candace. And you are so beautiful inside and out! I hope today is a great day for you! Love and prayers!

  11. Gail Messer says:

    Beautiful ~ with or without as long as you let the love of Jesus shine through ~ which we can see/read with every post! Hugs:)

  12. Keith Sanders says:

    Wakeboarding scar eh? You look great, and I’m glad to hear you’re at peace with the new look. Thanks again for your inspirational blog posts that are such a witness to everyone who reads them!

  13. Kim Oran says:

    You are an inspiring young woman and I truly believe God is undergoing a mighty work in YOU!!! You may not know, for years to come, what His purpose was in all this, but just knowing that He’s giving you the peace to get through it is amazing!!!

  14. Mary Mitchell says:

    I love your Bald Head..Bald is Beautiful… just as you are..and yes u have an amazing husband.. you my friend have the heart of a lion!! I am so proud of you:)) xoxo lov eyou bunches!!

  15. Krista says:

    Candace,
    You look lovely! Your features look great w/the shaved head, and those pretty eyes pop! Love that cute dress by the way, I have the same one! It was good to see you at gymnastics, we are keeping you in our prayers. I had a thought/idea for you. I’ve gotten my daughter several of those recordable books for g.parents/great grandparents to read. Do you have any of those for your children? I was thinking you could record a few, and on nights when you aren’t able to read/rock/sing/pray them to sleep, someone could let them hear/read your recorded book.
    You are in our thoughts, and prayers,
    Krista Johnson Lawrence

  16. Susan Wilder says:

    I am so proud of you. You are an inspiration to everybody. I’m over the hair already. With a face like that, who needs hair. (I do love a bald head — John has one!) You’re constantly in our thoughts and prayers. I feel very assured that you will be FINE.
    All our love, Susan and John
    Ps. Give Brandon a BIG hug for me.

  17. Teresa A says:

    Candace you look beautiful!!! When I first saw your shaved pictures you looked like your mother with a fuller face. Yes your hair will grow back with the skunk look, but that is why they invented boxed hair color LOL! I think we all have days when we would like to shave our heads and start over.
    Enjoy your wonderful husband, date nights don’t come easy.
    Tell Cadence we are proud of her taking gymnastics, now you will have to secure the house for tumblers.
    Love Ya Bunches!!!!
    I hope you feel better soon and on your birthday the 5th.

  18. you never cease to amaze me!!!! i am so happy you are comfortable without your hair!! you are so beautiful…..inside and out….!!!!!!! i love cadence at gymnastics!!! her outfit is adorable!!!! what a little sweetie…i love how she had to touch your head when she was ready!!!!! just so so sweet!!!!!!
    always in my thoughts, girl!!!!!!!! always…….

  19. Nancy C Stone says:

    What can I say that has not already been said. Your hair is a small matter compared to your overall Christ-filled spirit. I can’t wait to see you and hug those babies…..

  20. Kandace Poindexter says:

    Hi Candace! I have been thinking about you and reading your blog entries. I love this one! I did the same when my hair started coming out. I didn’t wait, the day I got a handful, we shaved it. I thought I would be emotional, but wasn’t. It was SO liberating! And bald was sooo easy! My hair is back now, and I am not complaining, but…. I have two daughters, 7 and 2. the 7 year old was fine with me being bald. The little one was, too, but she would NOT touch my head for several months! I am glad you are doing well. Just take one day at a time. you will learn how you will feel with each treatment, but each one will be a little different.. I just saw your reply to my original post from several weeks ago. I would love to talk more to you. And, funny enough, I noticed in your gymnastics pictures Joanne Kellam…. she is my sister-in-law! Please email me (poindek3@yahoo.com) or even call (919-770-6404) if you need anything or would like to talk. I did my blogging on caringbridge, the link is http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kandacepoindexter if you want to read some. I didn’t really post much until later in my treatment, I wish I had done more.
    Praying for strength for you through this next treatment!!

    Kandace

  21. Phyllis Dixon says:

    You are Very Beautiful!!!! I love your smile,you always make me smile when I read your Blog and see your Beautiful SMILE!!! God bless you and keep you in HIS arms!!

  22. Pingback: Happy Anniversary and Thank You | Great is Thy Faithfulness

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