Broken

Not sure what prompted me to visit my blog tonight, but I see there are still a few of you checking in periodically…what a privilege to be loved, thought of and cared for by you all.

A mailbox full of cards last week was just exactly what I needed to lift my spirits.  Thank you Jenni (and Lydia and Colleen) for coordinating my Card Shower, and thanks to all of you that participated.  It means a lot to know you still care!  And Jenni, thanks for the visit yesterday too!

*****************

I scanned back through my posts over the course of the past six months, and I know my postings were sparse. Mostly I just didn’t feel compelled by the Holy Spirit to write, but as you are aware, sometimes I DO feel prompted to share part of my story with you!  Tonight is one of the nights that I DO feel led.  Actually, I think I’ve been needing to write this for a while, but looks like tonight is the night!

************

Way back last summer when I was first diagnosed, somebody very near and dear to me told me that I needed to “direct my thoughts and control my emotions” … they encouraged me to stay strong and do what I needed to do as far as treatment, but suggested that at the end of my trials, I would more than likely be “a broken woman.”

This was spoken in love, although I didn’t feel like the person telling me this really felt qualified to tell me so. I didn’t believe it, but I said, “Okay, I’ll try to keep my head in the game.”

Honestly, I was actually kind of offended.  I did not intend to be defeated either physically or emotionally by cancer.

I should have listened. 🙂

*********************

Fast forward a year from that conversation = me <— BROKEN.  Both physically and emotionally.

Satan has a way of getting people when they’re down!  Perpetuating negative emotions.  Prompting self-doubt.

Crushing my spirit with news like I am not a candidate for reconstructive surgery.  (I didn’t blog about it, but that was the news from the plastic surgeon.)

Time heals all wounds though, right?

I am now 15 months from my diagnosis.  I continue to get stronger.  I continue to get positive reports from the doctor.  My hair has grown back (darker and way more curly).  I have my prosthesis.  I take care of my kids.

Most importantly though, I am working daily to “control my thoughts and direct my emotions” … For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.  2 Tim 1:7 KJV

I still have challenges, both physically and emotionally, but I am not defeated.

I am pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned

Struck down but not destroyed

I am blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure

And his joy’s going to be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night

His joy comes with the morning

***********************************

Counting my blessings during this season of Thanksgiving.

Advertisements

About Candace

Stay at home mom of three small kids (3, 2, and almost 1) -- about to embark on the biggest journey of my life.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Broken

  1. Lil says:

    Honey if your broken, I would really hate to think, wonder, ponder or even begin to guess what the rest of us are. Your a kind soul, that I feel as if Its a gift to have you as a friend! ❤ ya … I thank you for all the things you do for me!

  2. Laura says:

    Continuing to pray for you daily! No one knows your struggles except you and God. Keep your mind, and spirit strong!!!! He will sustain you, and carry you through… The smiles on those faces and the rays of sunshine shining through say it all!! Love you!!!

  3. Linda Scuiletti says:

    Dear Candace,
    I so admire your heart and courage through this journey. Your poignant post reminds me of a favorite sermon from a time in my life when I felt ‘broken’. The priest quoted Henri Nouwen’s, Life of the Beloved, where he writes to his friend, “Just as bread needs to be broken in order to be given, so, too, do our lives.” The priest went on to say that beyond the bread being broken to be given, the wheat must be ground to be made into the bread/body of Christ, and the grapes must be crushed to be made into wine/blood of Christ. The Body of Christ – Jesus himself – was broken on the cross, but then resurrected. So too must we be broken for God’s purpose to live in service to others as followers of Christ. Though I heard this many years ago, I have never forgotten how deeply it struck a chord in me and the peace it brought to my spirit, and I share it with love in hopes it may move you as well. May God continue to Bless you and your beautiful family.

  4. Lisa McElroy says:

    I am so glad to hear from you. I continue to think about you daily. Every time I get on the internet, I check in on your blog. I have continued to keep you in my thoughts and prayers daily. Your girls are so beautiful. Anytime you need to talk, give me a call.
    Stay strong—Love ya
    Lisa

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s